Been Down This Road Before, and Here's Why... a little bit about who I am in the corporeal world

A man I find physically unattractive is interested in me. I've sadly walked this road before. I know better now, I'm not going to date him in some attempt to live the high-minded "it's what's inside that really counts" maxim. Lack of physical attraction results in an inevitable ending even if you have a lot of other things seemingly going for you--which isn't even the case here. Last time it was very painful to the guy when I "woke up" in the midst of a six month relationship and realized that I really STILL didn't find him physically appealing, and I couldn't lie to myself and live in denial anymore so I ended it. Of course, I never used that as my explanation for the break-up to him, that would've been too cruel. Instead, I gave a bunch of other more minor-but-high-minded reasons/platitudes. The real truth being that I should never have dated him in the first place, and wouldn't have if I had "stuck to my guns" and not been encouraged and brain-washed by the "But he's such a nice guy and he really likes you and you seem to have fun hanging out with him" commentary of well-meaning mutual acquaintances. I just find myself hoping this one will take my "polite but distant" responses to his inquiries as the subtle blow-off they are, so I don't have to explain my lack of interest to him.

After all, how does one word that? "I had a good time talking with you the other night. But I'm just not attracted to you." I guess that would be one way. I'm leaning toward, "I had a pretty good time, too. Unfortunately, since I'm moving soon, and we don't have that much in common, I just don't see a reason to pursue it. Sorry." I have always found it fascinating that men will doggedly pursue women with whom they have virtually nothing in common just based on their own singular physical attraction unless confronted point-blank with the woman's own lack of interest. There must be some common ground. Somewhere. Something to keep talking about! In one night (grant it, a long night), it seemed we exhausted our conversational capabilities--such as they were--and basically it was done in talking about our individual families and how we grew up, with variations on basic small talk thrown in! Okay, we know a bit about one another's childhoods and I have no interest whatsoever in his (to me) extraordinarily boring, mundane adulthood! Now, I admit, if I was attracted to him in return, I would totally be into exploring his life further in order to attempt to find common ground--a shred, at least--in order to keep up the pretense, and go on with possible dating. I've done that before, too. But to get there one needs mutual physical attraction.

What I have found uniquely difficult as I've progressed through life is finding a nice way to let someone know that their attraction is not reciprocated. I'm sure I bring on this difficulty myself. I'm "too" nice, because I genuinely enjoy new people, conversation, social experience. I am the antithesis of shy. Frequently, I forget to consider that, for those who don't have my same general curiosity and social dexterity, I may appear to be more singularly interested in them than I actually am. Because they only initiate contact when they are singularly interested in the other person. An assumption is made, and I end up not knowing how to politely extract myself from a (to me, again) simple one-evening/afternoon conversation.

I am blessed, or perhaps cursed, with an extremely honed social awareness. I know the ways I am very different from the rest of the socialized world I live in. I know that the vast majority of people are not like me. I know I am extraordinarily comfortable in every social environment in which I find or place myself, and that that is an anomaly. Also, intuitively, I know the moment someone has recognized or decided they're attracted to me (whether reciprocated or not), I know when someone (friend or stranger) has become uncomfortable, etc., there is something that changes in the air that I have always been able to detect. I'm sure this detection is significantly due to my unconscious or subconscious awareness of vocalization (changes in tone and voice quality) and body language. This has also made me very empathetic. Not sympathetic, per se, but empathetic--which in many ways is worse. As such, I make every attempt to avoid putting someone in an awkward/painful position due to even their own presumptions about me! After all, I can understand why meeting someone like me is probably rare in their daily experience (it's certainly equally rare in my own!), so having their own experience as their only barometer--they think what they think: that I am interested in more from them than just a simple chat. Which, when occasionally true, works in my favor as well. It's just so equally occasional on my side of things as it is to the majority. I'm not attracted to 9/10ths of the people I start conversations with in my life. In fact, I am more inclined when attracted to someone to sit back with open body language and wait to be approached, or for them to initiate an opening. In this way, I can assure myself of their initial interest. Relying, as I am in that situation, on the fact that most of the world is not like me, and therefore, to approach is to deliberately signal interest. I am the exception that proves the rule. I will approach more quickly when there is no interest at all on my part.

I know I could attempt to change myself to avoid finding myself in these situations. But I like who I am. I wouldn't know how to be withdrawn, shy or uncomfortable, so I would have to feign these things and, therefore, no longer live authentically. Forget that. I think I will just have to find a way to not be so very empathetic--maybe that's a possible goal--so that I can more easily/quickly extract myself from the situations in which my more extroverted traits place me.