Emotional Scariness...
So, tonight, I randomly found myself watching the last quarter or maybe half of a NOVA special about a court case involving Intelligent Design versus Evolution. Ultimately, in a court of law an "establishment clause" case. But all I could think of were the various arguments I have posed against myself and the discussions/conversations/arguments I have had with my man on the same topic.
I have become more comfortable labeling myself an "agnostic" in the midst of these interactions, nonetheless, I'm still unclear as to my truest label. I want to believe in the God I was "indoctrinated" with as a Roman Catholic child. Because, at least in my era, that God is very forgiving and compassionate. However, believing in an actual, viable, miraculous God is next to impossible when you are intelligent enough to understand science. Has science explained every tiny thing? No. But might they? Well, that's a different question.
This is why I sob for both sides of the question. Richard Dawkins would probably hate me for that, but it's true. I am sad for those who have no one to beg for help from, as well as, those who are begging for help to a deity who may/probably doesn't exist. The tragedy of all of it is so extreme for me that I can barely handle it. Because I feel torn in half myself. I don't have an idea of which would be a better outcome.
If there is something after this--we have the chance to reunite with loved ones who have "gone before." If not, then, well, every single decision might mean even more because life is all we have... every moment... individually... when they're all gone--we will never exist again. That also means there is nothing special about any of us that is not a random, biological, chemical anomaly for each of us... Strange to want to believe that, but many people do... That is what most people would call a "soul," but true atheists don't believe in its existence. And why should they? Unless you have experienced something supernatural yourself--everything is faith, and even if you have experienced something--who would believe you? I have experienced plenty of supernatural occurrences, but it's always easier not to acknowledge them to an atheist! Oh, well, sorry for the crazy blog... Life is a little messy now.
I have become more comfortable labeling myself an "agnostic" in the midst of these interactions, nonetheless, I'm still unclear as to my truest label. I want to believe in the God I was "indoctrinated" with as a Roman Catholic child. Because, at least in my era, that God is very forgiving and compassionate. However, believing in an actual, viable, miraculous God is next to impossible when you are intelligent enough to understand science. Has science explained every tiny thing? No. But might they? Well, that's a different question.
This is why I sob for both sides of the question. Richard Dawkins would probably hate me for that, but it's true. I am sad for those who have no one to beg for help from, as well as, those who are begging for help to a deity who may/probably doesn't exist. The tragedy of all of it is so extreme for me that I can barely handle it. Because I feel torn in half myself. I don't have an idea of which would be a better outcome.
If there is something after this--we have the chance to reunite with loved ones who have "gone before." If not, then, well, every single decision might mean even more because life is all we have... every moment... individually... when they're all gone--we will never exist again. That also means there is nothing special about any of us that is not a random, biological, chemical anomaly for each of us... Strange to want to believe that, but many people do... That is what most people would call a "soul," but true atheists don't believe in its existence. And why should they? Unless you have experienced something supernatural yourself--everything is faith, and even if you have experienced something--who would believe you? I have experienced plenty of supernatural occurrences, but it's always easier not to acknowledge them to an atheist! Oh, well, sorry for the crazy blog... Life is a little messy now.
posted by Veronica Jude @ 2:55 AM
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